Bear v. Man

This past April a TikTok video emerged asking seven women a very interesting question.  If they were alone, walking in the woods, would they rather come across a bear or a man they didn’t know.  All but one of the women chose the bear.

The video went viral with a majority of women once again choosing the bear, saying things like if the bear attacked them, no one would ask them if they had led the bear on.  Another woman who chose the bear said at least she didn’t have to guess the bears intentions.

Right now, you’re probably asking yourself what you would choose, so I just want a take a moment to point out something from today’s reading from Proverbs 17:1-20, specifically verse 12 which reads, “Better to meet a she-bear robbed of its cubs than to confront a fool immersed in folly.”

Even the Bible chooses the bear.

The man or bear scenario though is yet another example in this world of how we react and respond to fearful events.  We are a society that is steeped in fear.  I get alerts from my Ring doorbell app throughout the day, mostly from neighbors in a five mile radius reporting various crimes.

We live, these days, seemingly in a constant state of anxiety.

I woke up from a nap the other day in the middle of a panic attack.  My heart was racing.  I was gasping for breath.  I admit, it’s possible I had been experiencing sleep apnea and woke up in a panic because my brain was suddenly freaking out from the lack of oxygen.

But as I lay there, trying to calm down, taking deeper more meaningful breaths, I realized that sleep apnea aside, waking up in a panic might be a natural response for me given all that has happened to me so far this year.

Since January, I have bought a house, moved, discovered I needed surgery for the first time, and most recently had someone fire a gun outside my living room window.  Whether it’s something positive like buying a house or negative like a shooting, anxiety is a normal response.

My surgery is now roughly a week a way and if you want to know if I’m afraid, my answer right now is I’m not as afraid as you would think, mostly because the surgery has to be done—I don’t have a choice and so therefore whatever happens … happens—I have very little control.  I am most worried about how my crazy immune system will respond to the surgery and I am hoping that the stress dose of prednisone they are supposed to give me will help with that.

Among the things I’m thinking about regarding the surgery, I am thinking about being under general anesthesia.  I have had minor procedures done over the years requiring light anesthesia, ranging from having my wisdom teeth out twenty years ago to have an endoscopic ultrasound done just this past December.  There is always a moment, a delayed reaction on my part, right before the drugs start working, the nitrous oxide or the propofol where my brain understands that the switch has been flipped, that something is happening and I’m about to lose consciousness and that moment is terrifying to me, every time, for those few seconds before darkness hits and the next thing I know I’m awake in recovery.

I have only ever been under general anesthesia once.  I was five years old and had broken my arm.  They had to put me under so they could set the break.  I remember everything about that day so clearly.  I remember trying to convince the doctors and nurses that I could fall asleep on my own that I didn’t need to be put out.  I remember that the worse pain was from the IV.  I remember them showing me my xrays before I went under.  I remember dreaming that Winnie the Pooh was operating on me.  Somehow that wasn’t a nightmare.  It was oddly comforting.

And I remember waking up in a sunlit room from what I, in my short life to that point, thought was the best sleep I had ever had.  There was a nurse at a desk in the corner working on paperwork.  I didn’t want her to know that I was awake.  I wanted more of that sleep so I closed my eyes and tried to sleep again, but I couldn’t so this time, I opened my eyes for real and looked at the nurse.  She must have known something had changed, because she looked up almost immediately and when she saw I was awake, she gave me the biggest smile you have ever seen and by that I mean that I have never had someone look at me that way since.  It was a smile of pure joy and divine love.

At that moment, I believed she was an angel.

I still believe she was an angel.

As a chaplain, I have spent a lot of time with people in the ICU, recovering from various surgeries both minor and otherwise.  And I know that God is there.

I know.

Period.

And now that I will be experiencing this from the other side of the hospital bed so to speak, I need to remind myself of that.

That God is there.

That angels are present.

That there is nothing to fear.

That love drives out all fear because light drives out all darkness.

A couple of days ago, I was at the grocery store, the one with the armed guards.  Remember what I have said before about shopping carts—they’re all bad, we are all victims—and sure enough the first cart I chose had locked wheels.  You couldn’t even move it but the next cart was remarkably smooth.

As I was leaving, I was prepared to drop the cart off before exiting—I only had one bag to carry—when I saw an old man approaching the cart with the locked wheels.  He put his bag in the cart and his cane and sure enough when he started to push the cart, it wouldn’t move at all.

I knew right then that I would give him my cart and headed his way.  He saw me coming and he knew I was bringing him my cart.

He took out his cane and bag from the first cart and waited for me.

“You need a cart?” I asked him.  “This one will do you good.  You have a nice day.”

You see sometimes the strange man is preferable to the bear.

Because, again from our reading from Proverbs today, this time from verse 17, “a friend loves at all times.”

Do not ever be afraid to reach out in love.

Love is bigger than fear.

Amen.